Marfa Manifestation

27 04 2021

So my first night spent in Lil’ Pinky was so serene! I sat at my little diner table with some wine and felt completely happy and at peace. I started to wish I could stay another day, but what would that entail? I’ve made a ferry reservation to get the car to Nantucket, I may have shave time elsewhere. What about Austin would I skip it? I started to obsess over the whole thing. This wasn’t a responsible decision to suddenly add a day. I kept googling different options, but then I stopped.

Jasmine’s words echoed in my head. Pause, listen to your gut, don’t over analyze. So I decided I’d see if Pinky was available and if so I’d stay and figure the details out later. And I began again to be present and enjoy my night there rather than obsessing over next steps.

I had a very restful sleep despite the mournful trains that roll by. They didn’t really bother me at all. I woke to the bright dawn and a cacaphony of birds and mourning doves. I eased into my day with my usual routine, three rounds of Wim Hof breathing, then writing my three The Artists Waymorning pages and then shower followed by a cold shower although for some reason I couldn’t get the hot water to work and rather than fuss around just took an exhilarating cold shower. I lounged around in my room in the gorgeous green serape fabric robe and enjoyed writing my blog. I eventually got a coffee and was trying to upload the blog photos and the videos weren’t working, so I decided to go to town. I thought maybe I’d mail some of the spices home so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by them on the next few legs.

Marfa is literally so tiny that I passed the USPS a few times finding myself at the town building and getting all turned around, then Google tells you to go around the block rather than just U-turn. Seems like I needed to get off my phone and just look around instead of trying to be guided. Got a shipping box and some stamps and went to the grocery where I was thrilled to find my favorite Mexican mineral water, Topo Chico, and picked up some Zapp’s crawtater chips, my favorite New Orleans chips!

Tried to go to a thrift store but it seemed closed. Googled consignment stores and found only one open. Started to look for lunch and nothing was open, yelped, googled etc. and found myself at a loss. Looks like I could go to the Waterstop again or Marfa burritos. I liked Waterstop and the atmosphere, but I had all sorts of excuses not to go.

Too windy, it’s probably the same menu as dinner which was good but pricey, I hate going to the same place twice while traveling, etc. the brain was processing overtime and I literally felt my car being nudged over as I was passing a d found myself parked in the same space as the night prior. I said at loud to myself, “OK I guess we’re going here!”

I went into the restaurant to grab a menu and was delighted to find it was pink and a totally different menu than dinner. I figured I’d try to do some writing later so out of character while on “vacation” I didn’t have beer or wine but I got a green lemonade. Had cucumber and herbs in it, pretty tasty. I opted fir the 1/4 roasted chicken and some fries because I wanted to see how they were with the tahini sauce they mentioned, and the chicken and fries came out fast. This $9 plate was huge and beautifully adorned with watermelon radishes. All in pink and green hues.

Meanwhile a gentleman had sauntered in and sat at a four top behind me. It was still pretty empty, before noon. There was something immediately familiar about his voice to me, as if I knew it really well. It kind of sounded melodious like Cee Lo Green, but it was also the banter that intrigued me. He was talking about the pink Supermoon, grounding and manifestation. At one point I couldn’t help but turn and look over my shoulder. The waitress asked if I needed anything and I said I was good. Not exactly sure when but at a certain point we started talking across the patio and the gentleman invited me to join him at his table. I moved all my food and stuff over and sat across from him.

Sometimes you just know you’re exactly where you need to be at the right time. Here I was staying in Marfa for no apparent reason, but have a “chance” meeting with a perfect stranger. There was something resonating with his energy and mine. It was magnetic and seamless how we interacted. It was like he was a shiny glinting energy that could not be ignored. He spoke about everything I’d written about in the blog I had just finished that morning. He reiterated everything Jasmine had laid out for me! It was an incredible message from the universe. He said to call him Crow. And he said crows are tricksters.

The familiarity I had with his voice, demeanor and mannerisms had me immediately at ease and the conversation was flowing. It seemed to be on another plane, we spoke about manifesting what we need, being deserving and mist if all being thankful and showing gratitude for these gifts. That had been my affirmation that morning as well, the words “Thank you” are the most important in the universe.

We spoke of communing with our ancestors and how important that was and I told him I’d my vision that I’d had that my ancestors were surrounding me and holding me. Telling me that it was ok. Acknowledging my past traumas and telling me, “We are sorry you had to go through that but we’ve got you now.” Holding me tiny childlike hand in theirs and comforting me as I broke free of these shadows and pain only to become childlike in awe of the universe again. A complete paradigm shift of which I’m in the midst of experiencing.

Crow is a Virgo, I’m a Sagittarius. We spoke about past lives and the idea that people in your tribe come and go and you’re forever reconvening. Death is as beautiful as life. We talked about how I let my father’s death shadow me instead of embracing its beauty. How I’m finally allowing myself to lift that weight off my shoulders.

At one point he left the table and said he was getting something for me. He came back to the table and placed a nice sized oval shaped piece of pyrite on the table. Also called Fool’s Gold it’s a good stone for grounding, protection and abundance. So funny because I’d been looking for a crystals in Sedona but had been overwhelmed and found it so confusing! He also had a square box he set in the table and began to look through it.

“Ah here it is!” He said as I moved from across the table to a seat adjacent to him to be closer. He placed a gorgeous carved Zuni fetish bear in my hand. I immediately started to cry. “You’re going to give this to me?” I couldn’t believe it. The day before I had seen some great carved bear necklaces in El Paso and asked the guy at El Paso Connection if they’d had any of just the carvings. I collect these bears and even wear a silver bear around my neck at all times. And here was the perfect bear being delivered to me from the universe and this incredible soul I’d met. This bear was a gorgeous reddish color reminiscent of the rocks in Sedona but with blue eyes.

I popped up from the table and zipped out to my car to trade him a Virgen de Guadalupe sand dollar I’d painted and one of my Day of the Dead sand dollars. He gave that one to our server. We talked about lost things and he went back to his car to grab a St. Anthony pendant his friend Eugene in Oregon had given him. It was a keychain and included in it was a piece of the relic. Eugene called him a few minutes later.

I couldn’t help but laugh thinking that I’d almost ruined this encounter by leaving Marfa too soon. We paid our bills and decided to continue our conversation back on the porch by Lil’ Pinky. We were just so I tuned with each other on a spiritual level. He brought out a special copper cup and I took the Tequila horn out for the first time in the trip. I had some El Tesoro Anejo and took some from his cup and he drank some from the horn, more as a ritual or an offering than to get drunk.

We talked for awhile more and then he asked if I’d do him the honor of being on his new Spoon podcast that his agent has him doing. I was thrilled, here was my chance to get my messages out to the world. I suggested we do the taping inside the trailer because the wind was whipping around so much.

He was an adept interviewer and it turned out mire like an interview than anything. He went in on me being a songwriter and I found myself not only answering his questions with depth, but I found myself suddenly in the position of BELIEVING myself. It was almost a magical dream state I was in during this whole meeting with him. I could really believe that I’m a songwriter. I AM. I could really allow myself to believe what I’ve been touting for a week since it came to me, “The universe is my hammock”. I’m utterly supported and honestly I deserve to do whatever I feel compelled to do. This is my job. I’ve been a writer forever, since I was a child, for lifetimes. I truly believed that Crow was sent to me in that moment in Marfa to remind me of this. I cannot deny it any longer!

So when he asked me if I would indulge him and the audience with a song I did. I played and sang Carpe Diem for the world. I was playing a song I wrote in a trailer in Marfa, Texas, my dream come true. “Well I can’t tell you where I’m going, I don’t remember where I’ve been, storm clouds seem to be blowing, I’m walking straight into the wind. I feel just like an apparition, a pilgrim in purgatory, on the way to the next Mission, seeds to sow and crops to reap.”

The wind was blowing and we said goodbye maybe I’ll see ya later and the incredible confluence stayed lingering in the air for a while, a magical few hours where time stood still and two connected souls reconnected and reminded each other of their purpose. This all sounds weird afterwards right? Like there’s this passionate connection but in a very different level. Some may read this with the lens of a romantic encounter but it was nothing of the sort. A logical mind might find this dangerous and my monkey mind obsessed for a few minutes chiming in loudly with all sorts of accusations! You let him in the trailer! He could have poisoned your drink! He knows where you are staying! He could have taken your computer! He knows you have a guitar! You’re traveling alone. That bear isn’t stone! All sorts of nonsense. I put the monkey back in it’s little box and shut the lid.

Trust. You have to trust the universe is doing things in your best interest. Jasmine too had said it, trust your intuition! So I didn’t let the magic go, I didn’t let logic tarnish my incredible experience and the beauty of confluence! I had absolutely manifested this entire experience, I intended to have a magical Marfa day and it had played out like a movie I had scripted. More lyrics from that song, the bridge actually states it so clearly!

“I won’t let logic keep me shackled, lines on my face can’t bind me down, a mortal resurrection to tackle, crazy as that may sound.”

Thinking back on the experience I can’t totally explain it. I feel like there was a trick that the universe had played on me, pulling my guard down completely so that I could experience this magic. The feeling of exhilaration and knowing that someone was on the same level as you and finding out that you’re in exactly the right place at the tight time. It has happened before… the time I met someone from Malta in a bar in Bordeaux and I knew I was following my path, the time I spoke with Tomas on the Camino (2018) and he foresaw and told me of what I think was a prophecy of the events of 2020, the moment in New Orleans when I was gifted a Mardi Gras coconut from the owner of the Candle Light lounge, shortly after Tomas Bermejo passed and a day after I’d heard of the passing of Brendan,

Later in the afternoon Crow came by with a huge piece of amethyst with quartz inlaid in it to give me to protect me on my ride. He was dressed up ready to attend the pink super moon installation that he said may or may not be happening due to Covid and the overcast skies. We said goodbye a second time, I’m pretty sure he will pop up again sometime with another shiny object to bring me, as crows do. I felt like the magic in both of us had receded a bit on this second meeting. It just seemed more normal.

I communed with a hummingbird who was showing off, probably doing a mating ritual for me. But before his display he sat on a desert shrub motionless for a long time. It struck me that hummingbirds are almost always moving. I’ve been seeing a lot of them lately… this one allowed me to get super close and observe it sitting there. I wondered what its message for me was. Looking back, I now see. The pause. I was taking a pause in Marfa, listening to Jasmine’s recommendation. There is beauty in the pause!

The next day on the way through Texas i hit one mini spurt of rain, not even enough to wash the Marfa dust off the car. It just dappled the hood. It happened just shy of the town of Ozona, and then stopped abruptly before the exit. I took this as a sign. As I was walking to a thrift shop I opened Instagram a d I found out that a friend, Tomas Estes, passed away. Another Tomas, not Thomas.

Tomas left us Sunday, the night when I allowed myself to say yes. Yes I am going to pause here in Marfa. Yes I deserve this. Yes I can do anything I set my sights on. I am meant to take a pause. Listen, trust.

I came to find out later that evening that Tomas, who founded Tequila Ocho, had participated in an agave experience in a Marfa in 2019. Also a Virgo like Crow. And there we were toasting him unknowingly. I feel like Tomas was there nudging me. Experience the magic. Allow yourself time. I’d scribbled a note while driving just at Ozona… it says “rain dappled the windshield at Ozona, is that why it’s called that? Not enough to rinse the Marfa dust off the car. Spirit guides, Spirits guide.”





Flagstaff onwards

25 04 2021

So I spent the night in Flagstaff. I didn’t get in until late and it was dark but the Hampton Inn was super clean and nice and they were totally friendly. I got two bottles of water and they had luggage carts so the unload of the car was much easier! I zipped over to a place called Oregano”s of all things. Kitschy Italian but very clean and spacious which is great because I hardly ever eat out in Covid times. Or rather I should say eat IN (indoors). Since it was only me they asked if I wanted to sit at the bar so I accepted nervously but luckily there were very few people. I got a big draft IPA, something that’s been very absent from my life without going to bars and it was fun to interact with the bartender, another thing I’ve missed! I felt like a pizza was going to be too heavy so I opted for wings and the bartender recommended to do a mix of the dry rub wings with the medium sauce. They were really good and I realized bar wings are also missing from my life lol. They came with homemade potato chips and I chose the blue cheese over Ranch. Soon I was buzzed and full and the hotel was literally across the parking lot so that was a nice perk.

One great Covid perk is that because of distancing there’s no chance that some gross and lecherous guy will sit next to you when every other bar stool is open. How many times on my journeys has that happened and then I need to be extra cautious getting to my hotel room safely. I remember the time in LA when a guy sat down next to me and started in… I love to meet people at bars, but this guy put me immediately on alert. I was always sure to have a book with me so that I could say I was reading, but this didn’t deter him. He told me he was a Teamster (should I have been impressed?) even showed me his watch. Commented on my wedding ring… “Any kids?” I replied no. He kept on… “Must be a problem in your marriage.” I wanted to tell him I was barren to see if that would elicit a reaction. What the hell with people? I find many people very uncomfortable with my decision to not be a mother in this lifetime. I’m a mother in many other ways. And It would not be fair for me to try to mother someone literally with all the things I feel compelled to do with my life. I would not be on this journey.

The next morning I did much better on the load in but had to laugh because I went to sanitize my hands after using the cart and the sanitizer exploded all over the car… I’d forgotten the altitude I’d gone to! There was a lot of debate in my mind as to where to go next. My initial plan was Albuquerque but it was already 10 and my friend out there had an event at 4, so I’d miss her… then I had been told Santa Fe would be amazing, but I’ve been going to these places and getting there too late to enjoy them. And I had a place on the list (stay tuned) that I decided I absolutely wanted to relax at and not roll in at 10 pm exhausted. AND I really wanted to go to Sedona, but it had been too expensive so I stayed in Flagstaff. So I set my sights on a quick Sedona jaunt and then to stay in Las Cruces, NM.

I’d been to Sedona before, once on business with Rubicon Estate, and the second time on vacation while I was working for the estate so I knew folks and got to be fancy out there and stay and eat at Auberge de Sedona. Luxury for sure. Still even after seeing it twice as I rounded the bend to see the greenish mountains suddenly erupt in bright reddish coppery striations was still absolutely breathtaking. I found myself embracing it with childlike awe and again, my eyes welled up with tears. I found myself saying out loud “He painted them.” Sometimes I honestly don’t know where the words come from… I’m just the messenger.

I pulled into the first visitor center to take some photos but there’s no way to capture them properly. The red color too is so unique, I can’t find a word for it. I was surrounded by rocks. I love rocks but these were particularly spectacular. It’s as if they are magnetic how it feels to be in their amphitheater, like the sensation of being within a redwood ring. Majesty and awe even with the throngs of people. I stopped by a few more pullouts and both were completely full! Suddenly I realized it was a Saturday! A bit sad that I couldn’t take a hike (not enough time plus too much stuff in the car) I set out to find a new crystal. The traffic began to build with each and every roundabout to the main part of town. By the time I got to the main drag it was getting brutal. I was at a standstill and then noticed a crystal shop that also offered readings. That would be cool if I had the time I thought, but at least I can look around. So I pulled over.

The shop was mesmerizing. Rooms and rooms of crystals from cheap and small to enormous and pricey but gorgeous. I was drawn to a stone that was bluish in color and doesn’t need clearing and is good for intuition, manifesting and such. I thought it was called Kryolite but can’t find that spelling online so I may be confused! But anyway, got a few postcards and then was observing where people sign up for readings. Some younger girls were getting their auras read, seemed loud and boisterous and kind of bachelorette party like attitude, I wasn’t interested in that. Then some elderly ladies booked a reading, just for one of them, but she didn’t want to give her last name.

I sidled up to the counter and they slipped me a binder with plastic covers sheets that covered headshots of each medium or reader, John, Sheila, Stephanie, Maurice, and then on the back was information on their specialities. Reiki, past life regressions, Chakra cleansing, manifestation practice, Tarot. Whatever you could want. I began to peruse the book, turns out you could absolutely do a mini reading, 15 mins for $35-$45. It struck me that although I’ve never been to a brothel perhaps this is the way that works too… a list of expertise, a nice photo, make sure your comfortable with this person you’re about to become intimate with, in a different way of course…

I must admit my first choice had something to do with manifesting but she was with a client already so I went for Jasmine. She had a really open face kind and caring and friendly and I just got a good feeling that the timing was once again right and Jasmine was there waiting to guide me. So they held my crystal at the cash register and guided me to the staircase. As she escorted me and I handed off my crystal, the girl said “Ooh Kryolite, great choice. Jasmine’s room is up and to the right and she will meet you there.”

So I climbed the stairs and Jasmine happened to be trans! Not exactly what I had expected! I have absolutely no issue, and I was concerned about , I considered not even writing it here, because it shouldn’t be a thing right? But I did notice it… and honestly it’s the reality, and a truly beautiful thing in my opinion. I just wasn’t expecting it. I was immediately put at ease because I took the fact that Jasmine was able to embrace her true self as a sign of honesty and integrity and soulfulness. I was very happy with my choice!

Jasmine took my temperature and then took hers and we sat on two sides of a plexiglass barrier. She asked me if I had specifics I needed to know… I said I wasn’t sure, that I’m on a journey and wanted a little guidance. She shuffled the deck and instead of cutting it I was instructed to point to where I would have cut it with a wooden skewer as she fanned it out. She then reworked the deck and I was instructed to pick 6 cards. I’ve had Tarot maybe once before not too often so it was really fun, it was also really accurate and in fact she did say that primarily it’s her telling me what I know but need to hear.

She had me tape it on my iPhone voice memo, and what I heard was pretty cool. First thing “You’re on quite a ride! A rollercoaster!”

She started in with, “You know how you breathe?” My ears perked up because I’ve been doing breath work in the Wim Hof method every morning for over a year. “Well, breathing in is the plan and breathing out is completion and revising the plan, but in between there is a pause with no in or out, you skip the pause. If you skip the pause then someone you’re trying to teach or mentor can’t catch up, so you need to extend the pause.”

She then asked if I mentor or teach and I smiled inside not wanting to offer much to twist her reading I merely said I used to teach and I mentor in an untraditional way.

On the next card she said “Damn! You think ALL the time, a thinking machine.” She told me I need to not let intellect rule but instead let my intuition and knowing come first. Trust intuition first. So this seemed to really be apropos when I was trying to logic away the visit to Cesar’s grave the day before, making logical excuses to skip it, yet I knew I must go.

She spoke of me being a creative, visionary inventor.

She asked if there was any other business I’d been toying with starting. I said writing, songwriting, healing. She told me I should consider teaching mindfulness through my writing!

She told me “We gotta be careful of you being distracted.” Mostly by friends. So this is when I’m gonna apologize for breezing through Clovis and Albuquerque, I’m probably gonna miss you folks in Texas. Don’t worry NOLA, you’ll be my day off, but this trip is tough and long and grueling. Not the hours on the highway but afterwards I’m depleted, because like Jasmine said, I don’t take time to “not” breathe, I don’t pause, and I’m always thinking. I’ve realized here a good deal of the way through that all these pie-eyed destinations were too ambitious and if you drive 8 hours you want to go to bed, or just be alone, and in days of Covid everything is closed earlier than normal.

Most importantly Jasmine told me to defend my passion. Be present. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t outthink yourself.

And ultimately she said, “Whatever you wanna do is gonna be available to you.”

So all my dreams can come true. My dream of living bicoastal is not elusive. My dream of touring across country may be ambitious but I can do it. I’m so blessed.

I bid adieu to my new friend whose reading on tape was actually more than 19 minutes as she told me that she knew I had a dog, an old one in pain and he should come to Sedona for healing or at least to help him transition peacefully. I paid for my crystal and postcards and was back on the road.

By this time traffic was so bad that I actually saw Jasmine walking faster down the road than I could drive in her flowy purple dress with a thigh revealing cut to get lunch. It was gridlock. I would have liked to visit a vortex or whatnot but I was just ready to get the bell out so I veered down a road that looked familiar from ages ago that leads out to strip mall land. I thought I needed to eat and considered that a greasy spoon diner would be ideal so I set out the intention and in less than three minutes the coffee Pot Restaurant appeared on the right.

The place is old school! So comfy, dark woods but has a skylight. Strange handmade pottery mugs that are made to stack on a dowel. If you order coffee they bring you a full pot, water a full pitcher, even me solo. They have a ridiculous menu of 101 omelets. I get it as a restaurant person because it’s all about mis en place, but I also wonder how annoying it must be to work there. The endless combinations! I ordered smoked salmon eggs Benedict. So good, great home fries with charred chilies and onions in there.

A table nearby got their food before me and one woman was griping. She ordered the tuna sandwich, which on the menu is basically a tuna melt. But she was astonished to see cheese on her sandwich as it arrived. “This is NOT at all what I wanted.” She harped. “Where’s the tomato?” Because in her mind there’d be a mind reader psychic medium like Jasmine in the kitchen to say, “hmm I think Karen wants tomato!”

Hey lady no one puts tomato and lettuce on a tuna melt Mm-Kay? Her friends all started throwing tomatoes off their garnishes to her because they knew how this was gonna go down.

In her passive aggressive stance the woman kept trying to be ok with it but as soon as the server would leave she’d again reiterate to her friends, “This is NOT at all what I wanted. This really is not what I wanted.”

Eventually the server got the rest of the table’s food down and was able to address the issue. Super professional and kind, yet I was on the sidelines seething! Wtff! Finally the sandwich which had been basically raped, all torn apart with it’s innards all naked and exposed, was thrust back to the waitress and to be rushed to the kitchen for triage. The woman specified exactly what she wanted. Tuna on Sourdough with lettuce and tomato. Wait actually GRILLED sourdough! The server calmly took the filthy mangled plate back to the kitchen.

Suddenly in writing this all down, clarity is seeping in. I was wondering why I was so invested in the interaction but upon writing about it I do see!

Whilst the petty push and pull of the customer vs the server has always been fascinating to me mostly because I’ve played that game so many years, suddenly I see so clearly a different lesson from what I observed.

This “Karen” (sorry Karen’s everywhere) knew what she wanted but could not adequately convey that to her server, so how can she be so entitled to think she’d be satisfied with what she got. The server had every intention of providing what she wanted! She wasn’t trying to ruin her day or vacation…

So the same holds true in the rest of our lives, in bigger things than an errant piece of cheese on a sandwich. So if you want something for your life you must be brutally honest and specific. You must really know what you want. You must articulate that to the universe and be clear so that your request is valid. And you must find yourself worthy of receiving that gift. Deserving.

So many lessons and teachings being downloaded to me. The hardest part will be being honest about what you want. The unfortunate part is that sometimes in order to get what you want you need to relinquish your former paradigms. You might need to change. Could be a job, a habit, but it’s a radical shift in mind frame and not everyone will be ok with it.

Overall I’m not even done with this crazy description of one day and the days keep flowing and I keep trying to catch up! But I think this is a good place to take a pause!